Milly has the power to destroy things with her voice and spends the nights masquerading as Sonic Girl. When she discovers the meeting place of a local Mafia boss she decides to investigate it on her own.
The story was written for a competition on the City of Heroes UK forums. It needed to be about an existing character and no more than 800 words long
This is an interesting piece, but it doesn’t seem to all fit together. I was guessing all the way through. Suggest you set up the scene in, or near, the beginning so that the reader is oriented to the other action.
Suggest putting thoughts in italics to make them stand out from the other narrative.